Megahertz

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My closest friend is starting to show some ED warning signs.

It sounds selfish of me but I wish she would stop telling me about how many calories she ate that day or about how whenever she looks in the mirror she wants to "rip off anything that jiggles" (she's 118 lbs. She is of a healthy, borderline underweight but she doesn't exercise, hence the jiggle), or how she "wants to lose 10 lbs" or how guilty she feels about eating a burger. I wish it would stop. I hate hearing it. But I'm really the only person she can confide this sort of stuff to.

The topic of wanting to obsessively lose weight to unhealthy levels is a very uncomfortable topic for me.

I used to be really underweight in high school, because I never ate due to medicinal side effects. I could see all my bones and I felt disgusting, and none of my clothes fit right. I felt like shit constantly because I had no energy, and ever since I gained the weight back I am terrified of being underweight again. so seeing my best friend spouting all this bullshit about how nobody will love her if she isn't a fucking rail makes me angry and I'm sick of hearing it. I don't want her to desire something that I already went through and hated. I keep telling her that what she's thinking is wrong, that she's over analyzing everything, but she never listens. The voice of self-image is always louder, and I can't make her love herself. She's already thin.Why doesn't she see that?

When will girls understand that if they're already skinny, softness is fucking normal? When you bend over and see rolls, that's your fucking skin. not some gigantic patch of subcutaneous fat. It frustrates me to no end and now somebody whom I love has bought into it.

We go to different universities, so she is out of my reach if I want to put her in ED counseling or some shit. I don't even know if I have the right to intervene or not. (Her parents are out of the picture.) I don't know what to do. I just want her to love herself, but the environment in which she grew up permanently screwed with that.

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My mother is half-Belgian, half-Mexican, and my dad is full Mexican. My dad's far-back ancestors were all from Spain, and there was one guy in particular who was mayor of a rather large city in Texas soon after its annexation, and his ancestor got commissioned to build a large cathedral, still standing, in Mexico circa I think 1500.

I still have the same last name as all of them. It's one of the reasons why I plan to keep it when I get married.